Totlandia: Spring Read online

  He raised his hand to slap her.

  She didn’t flinch. She didn’t move a muscle. In fact, she hoped he would hit her. Because then he’d hate himself for doing so. And he’d take her in his arms and say he was sorry.

  Once she was in his arms, she knew what to do so that he’d never let go of her, ever again.

  Instead, he lowered his arm. “Don’t you get it, Jade? I’ll never love you like you love me. I’ll never appreciate you. And right now, I only despise you.”

  He picked up Oliver and walked up the stairs.

  She heard the lock on his bedroom door turn and click.

  Right now, he said. But ‘right now’ wasn’t forever.

  No, she wasn’t going to move out. Her home was here. She’d done exactly what Brady had asked of her, so he’d have to put up with her.

  She’d made herself a part of the club. The last thing she was going to do was give that up.

  She grabbed her purse and her keys and walked to the door.

  It was time to buy a little insurance.

  4:20 p.m.

  “I have a confession to make,” Jade began. Her voice was shaking.

  Bettina yawned. “Make it snappy. It’s Mother’s Day, remember? My family needs me.”

  In truth, she had Art trussed up against the upholstered tuffet in their master suite.

  Not everyone had walked away feeling that the gathering at Eleanor’s had been a fiasco. She for one was elated with how things went.

  Granted, it saddened her to learn of Dante’s autism. She could see how much it upset her beloved brother. Even Lily was aware that Dante needed extra loving. She had insisted on going home with Uncle Matthew “until Dante gets well” is how she put it.

  Bettina didn’t have the heart to tell her that he would never get better.

  Hera had been right. The best gift she’d received all day was getting under that old hippie’s skin. Metaphorically, that is. Physically was too grotesque to even consider, as it was obvious the woman hadn’t used sun block a single day of her life.

  Okay, make that the second best thing to happen today. Watching her mother blow up at Lorna certainly took the prize.

  On the way home, Bettina squealed with delight. “I did it! Finally! I can ax Lorna from the club and Mother won’t give a hoot!”

  “What excuse will you use?”

  “Simple. She hid Dante’s condition. That’s a club no-no. Granted, there may be some outcry about political incorrectness. But I’ve got a good answer for that.” She lowered her lashes, as if practicing her spiel. “Even the best-bred children can be cruel sometimes. Almost always, in fact. I’m sure the Top Moms will agree with me that it’s for his own good that he join a group with children who will be more accepting of him.”

  “Brilliant!” Art declared.

  Bettina lowered her voice to a sultry growl. “Do you real think so?”

  “No. It sucks.” His lips raised into a naughty smirk.

  She slapped him in the face. “You’ll pay for saying that.”

  He lowered his head. “Yes, my mistress.”

  She was in the middle of making good on this promise when Jade showed up.

  “I have very bad news related to the club,” Jade murmured. “But please, Bettina, no one must know this information came from me.”

  Bettina sighed. “My lips are sealed.”

  “Brady was invited onto a corporation board—Bracknell Industries. To my surprise—to my dismay—Ally Thornton also sits on the board.”

  Bettina shrugged. “We all belong to some status board or another. For the most part they are honorary positions.”

  “No, you don’t get it.” Jade leaned in closer. “She’s on the board because she’s an employee and an officer of one of their companies. She’s the founder of Foot Fetish. She still goes in two days a week on the days we don’t have meet-ups, of course. Or at least, she was until recently.”

  “So, you’re telling me she held this position when she applied to the club?” Bettina frowned. “If so, then you’re right. Our feelings about working moms may be unspoken, but they apply to everyone equally. To have lied about it during the application process was egregious.”

  “Bettina, it gets worse. Turns out Ally’s not even married! Her so-called husband is really her attorney and her sperm donor. Her gay sperm donor.”

  Oh. My. God.

  “Are you positive?”

  “Yes. I mean, Barry’s a nice enough guy. But he’s just a beard so that she could get into the club. The facts are the facts. There is no record of their marriage. You can check it out yourself.”

  Aw hell. Getting rid of one member was a scandal. Getting rid of two might start a wild exodus. Everyone would be sweating whether their dirty laundry would be aired next. Bettina’s own panties were down around Art’s ankles, along with his pants.

  She had waited too long to get rid of Lorna. Ally’s indiscretion would have to be dealt with at a later date.

  Not that Jade needed to know that. “Okay, Jade dear, you’ve done your duty. Earned major brownie points, yada yada.”

  “So, Ally is out?” Jade was actually trembling at the thought.

  “Yes…but maybe not immediately. All in good time, dearie. All in good time.”

  She shut the door on Jade’s shocked face.

  Bettina was halfway up the stairs when her phone rang. Caller ID showed it was Eleanor. She groaned. Why now, of all times?

  Of course, she had to pick it up. “Darling, we need to talk.” Eleanor’s voice was all sweetness and light.

  “Mother?” Bettina tried to match her mother’s happy tone. “Yes, but…well, I was in the middle of washing my hair.”

  “This won’t take long,” Eleanor promised.

  She was right. In less than sixty seconds, Eleanor explained in no uncertain terms, why any thoughts Bettina may have regarding Dante’s elimination from PHM&T might affect Eleanor’s support of Lily’s ballet lessons (“both stateside and abroad,” she emphasized) as well as the little girl’s trust fund.

  “She can join you in living off whatever pittance Art provides,” Eleanor warned.

  By the time the call ended, Bettina was so angry she couldn’t see straight. When she got through with Art, he wouldn’t be able to able to walk upright.

  There would certainly be some drama at the Top Moms meeting tomorrow.

  Unfortunately, that drama would have nothing to do with Lorna Connaught.

  Chapter 21

  Monday, 13 May

  10:24 a.m.

  “So, let me get this straight. She’s married to a gay man?” Sally Dunder shook her head, confused. “I know straight men are in short supply in this town, but still…”

  Joanna groaned, then covered her mouth. “Oh my God! One of the librarians may overhear us!” She was right. Except for the Top Moms, the Golden Gate Valley Branch was as quiet as a tomb. “A more important question,” she whispered, “is why any gay man in San Francisco would want to marry a straight woman. I mean come on already. If the closet door is wide open in any town, it’s this one.”

  “You two are idiots,” Mallory growled. “Their little charade was to ensure she got into the club. Well, I for one am outraged!”

  “Me too,” murmured Kimberley. Yes! Yes! Brady’s crush was getting kicked out of the club! Yes!

  Once the rest of the Top Moms heard Jade’s little secret, Kimberley’s day would be complete.

  To top it off, Brady’s love life would be completely over.

  And yet, if he needed her to lick his wounds—or anything else—Kimberley would be there at his side in a second.

  “Then the vote is unanimous. Ally Thornton applied for membership under false pretenses and was admitted under the same. Unacceptable! All in favor?”

  The yeas were given all around, three with gusto and the other four in stunned dismay.

  “Now, on to other business. The AP Classes seem to be top notch—”

  “Bettina, sorry to
interrupt.” Kimberley sighed. “Unfortunately, I have another bit of bad news. It turns out we have yet another liar in our midst.” From her purse she pulled out the bootlegged DVD of Alice in Wonderlust. “To my disgust, this porn video stars one of our own.” She waited until the gasps subsided before adding, “Jade Pierce.”

  This time there was only one gasp, Bettina’s.

  Fabulous, Kimberley thought. But of course, porn is the biggest disgrace of all.

  Bettina’s eyes grew wide. Kimberley felt as if she were watching an animal trying to figure out a way to escape a trap.

  Wow, I guess she’s upset that this may reflect on the club as a whole. To put her at ease, I’ll lead the Top Moms in a vow of silence about the matter. It’ll go away in no time. And so will Jade.

  She was just about to make this suggestion when Bettina smacked the gavel. “Whereas I’m sure we all agree with Kimberley that Jade’s indiscretion is disgusting, perverted, and unfortunate, I feel we must reflect on her actions in toto.”

  She put the video into one of the library’s desktop computers, but muted the sound the moment the grunts and groans of the actors began. Bettina stared at the lewd acts on display so intently that Kimberley was wondering if she was taking mental notes.

  Finally, Bettina stopped the video to the disappointment of the others. “First off, it was so grainy, how do we really know this is Jade?”

  “Because it says so on the cover,” Kimberley argued. “Right there, see? ‘Starring Jade Pennypacker.’ She was stupid enough to use her first name.”

  “True.” Bettina nodded thoughtfully. “But we all make mistakes. In this case, by the copyright date we know it was made before she joined us. And nowhere in the bylaws does it say ‘Thou shalt not have starred in a porno movie.’”

  “I object!” Mallory hissed. “Are you telling me we’re going to let her slide on this…this perversity?”

  Bettina nodded. “In this very special case, I’m willing to, yes. In fact, I like the cut of her jib. Her meteoric rise in the club is the culmination of so many wonderful accomplishments! Answer me this. Who else scored a Nobel Prize winner for a PHM&T advanced placement class?”

  Noting the looks of horror on everyone's faces, she sighed. “Okay bottom line—we can’t afford any scandals at any time, let alone two scandals in one week.”

  Kimberley knew Bettina was right, but that didn’t make her any happier.

  Well there’s one consolation prize, Kimberley thought. With Jade around, Brady can’t be far behind.

  Thank goodness that bitch Ally is at least out of the way.

  11:30 a.m.

  The axing was anything but subtle. Accompanied by the other Top Moms, Bettina sauntered up to the Alta Plaza Park playground and made the announcement in front of the entire playgroup.

  Ally was stoic about it. Head held high, she put Zoe in her stroller and rolled her out of the playground.

  The other Onesies stood there, stunned.

  What Bettina wasn’t counting on was Jillian pulling her girls out of the sandbox, strapping them into their stroller, and walking away.

  The nerve of her, Bettina fumed.

  But what really made Bettina’s blood boil was Lorna’s reaction. She grabbed Dante and followed Jillian down the hill.

  Considering your own dirty little secret, I’d think you’d be grateful for my discretion, Bettina thought.

  She turned to Jade. Had the two of them been alone, Bettina would have slapped her silly. That little slut almost caused a mutiny with my Top Moms, she fumed. Not to mention they think I’m a fool for protecting her! She owes me, big time. And I know just how I’ll make her pay.

  Smiling supremely, she patted Jade on the back. “Now you’re really one of us, my dear. Welcome to the club!”

  Jade tried to smile, but she couldn’t. She’d never felt lonelier in her life.

  To Be Continued…

  THE END

  Acknowledgements

  I have been blessed with numerous friends and family who cheer me on in my writing endeavors. My love and thanks to all of you:

  Eddie Concha; Andrew, Linda and Ben Brown; Darien and Don Coleman; Andrée Belle and André de Santaana; Deb and Wendy Brown; Seth and Heather Brown; Sean and Jackie Brown; Vera and Ron Gott; Pam Gott; Kelly and Doug Gott; Melissa and Fred Zucker; Sharon Conn; Angela and Tom Johnson; Helen Drake; Bonnie and John Gray; Bettie, Sheryl and Richard Levy; Rita Abrams; Karin Tabke; Stephanie Bond; Allison O’Connor; Kate Perry; Jean and Berney Neufeld; Nancy and Craig Yarborough; Margaret and Ron Redmond; Tatjana and Gaylord Soli; Kristin Isaacson; Marnie Weber; Poppy Reiffin; Heather Atkinson; and Desiree Miller.

  I also want to thank those who made this book and its sequels a reality:

  My publisher, Coliloquy, is mind-bendingly awesome. I appreciate your unbridled enthusiasm, Lisa Rutherford, Waynn Lue, and Jennifer Lou; and for providing me with the great team of Amy Eye, Aimee Radmacher, and Kaamna Bhojwani-Dhawan;

  I have the best literary agent in the business. Holly Root, I am always in awe of you;

  When it comes to all things big and small screen, I owe a tremendous debt of thanks to Jon Cassir, who works ceaselessly on my behalf;

  As much as I appreciate my editor, Megan McKeever, for her sharp pencil, her way of challenging me to make the most of my characters is why I love her.

  Finally, my own totlandia was created by the three people I love most: Martin, Austin and Anna. Thank you, sweet family, for the memories that are the grist for my creative mill.

  —Josie Brown

  About Coliloquy

  Coliloquy is the first digital publisher to focus on active and interactive storytelling, leveraging advances in technology to create groundbreaking new forms of digital content. Originally developed as part of the Kindle Developer Program, Coliloquy’s books and apps are now available across all tablet, phone, and e-reading platforms, including iOS, Android, Kindle, NOOK, and Kobo. Based in Palo Alto, CA, the company was founded by Lisa Rutherford, an AlwaysON “Top Women to Watch” award winner, and Waynn Lue in 2011. For more information, please visit www.coliloquy.com.

  About the Author

  Josie Brown is the author of these novels: Totlandia: The Onesies, Book 1 (Fall), Totlandia: The Onesies, Book 2 (Winter), and Totlandia: The Onesies, Book 3 (Spring) [2012, 2013, Coliloquy],

  The Housewife Assassin Novel Series including: The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook, The Housewife Assassin’s Guide to Gracious Killing, The Housewife Assassin’s Killer Christmas Tips, The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide [2011, 2013, Signal Press],

  The Baby Planner [2011, Simon & Schuster],

  Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives [2010, Simon & Schuster],

  Impossibly Tongue-Tied [2006, HarperCollins],

  True Hollywood Lies [2005, HarperCollins; 2010 Diversion Books].

  Her novel, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (Simon & Schuster), is being produced by Jerry Bruckheimer as a dramatic series for NBC-TV.

  Josie is also the author of three non-fiction books: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right [Alpha/Pearson]; Marriage Confidential: 102 Honest Answers to the Questions Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know [Signal Press]; and Last Night I Dreamt of Cosmopolitans: A Modern Girl’s Dream Dictionary [St. Martin’s Press].

  Josie and her husband, Martin, live in San Francisco with their two children.

  Copyright

  © 2013 by JOSIE BROWN

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Coliloquy, LLC

  www.coliloquy.com

  www.twitter.com/coliloquy

  First eBook Edition: February 2013

  The Coliloquy name and logo are trademarks of Coliloquy, LLC.

  This is a work
of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.

  ISBN: 978-1-937804-16-9